Just Relax

I’ll be going back in the next few posts to catch anyone who might be reading this, up to speed.

So how did we end up with twins? The short answer is luck I guess. It was not an easy road to say the least. It took us 15 cycles of actively trying (just winging it, ovulation sticks, tracking temperatures, fertility monitors, vitamins, exercising, switching to boxers---you name it!) to have a baby starting in September 2005. If anyone has been there, it is the worst feeling in the world as each calendar month flies by and you continue to get BFNs (Big Fat Negatives—as in the result of the pregnancy test stick each month.) Everyone around you seems to get pregnant the first cycle. You start to wonder what is wrong with you, you think maybe it’s DH, you question why God would do this, etc. etc…You can only imagine the stress this puts on someone, especially when there really isn’t anyone that you know that truly understands what it is like to go through it. (Well, there was one person I knew and we did talk, but mostly you feel alone.). The worst thing you can say to someone going through it is, “Just relax—it will happen.” Really, I heard this so many times and wanted to just smack each person. At the year mark, we went for all the infertility testing and were found to have “unexplained infertility”—yeah, whatever that means. I guess it means they couldn’t find any reason why DH & I couldn’t have a baby. All looked good on both accounts—ok great—“So why is this happening?” you ask yourself. We were told the next cycle we would start a drug to help ovulation called Clomid. So I anxiously awaited for the next cycle to start, but it never did. I had gotten the long-awaited and elusive BFP (Big Fat Positive)!!! In my heart of hearts, I think I “relaxed” that last month knowing we had a plan. But SHHHH! Don’t let anyone know. :-) I still will not EVER say those two words to anyone I know because you just don't know if there can actually be something wrong.